Brotherly Love
By Mariella Neri
Image from Mariella Neri
Birth order can have a significant impact on our behaviors, emotions, characteristics, and how we experience life. Personally as a middle child with two brothers I feel that the aspect of brotherly love has shaped how I respond and handle situations. Therefore, I wanted to delve into and analyze how my life has differed in comparison to my brothers and how birth order has altered my perspective.
From my personal observation, the oldest sibling sets the path for the rest to follow. They are the first person in the family to enter the world and to be exposed to all factors of life. Providing a great example of what to do and not to do. There is a sense of hesitancy and caution with the oldest, absorbing their surroundings, enjoying comfort, and situations of low intensity and risk. A change in routine or lifestyle might not be their first choice or strongest quality but they are able to handle those moments with poise without reacting based on emotion. Personally, I am grateful to have an older brother. He relieved a lot of pressure and stress from me because I did not have to be the first to go through school, sports, or social activities. I was well equipped beforehand with the general knowledge of what to expect, which caused me to be more comfortable and set up for success in a way. Yes, we have faced a variety of different circumstances in life due to having separate life paths, but not being the oldest has definitely altered how I live.
When I compare our mannerisms he is more nonchalant, soft spoken, and protective. Those instincts were engraved into his mentality and he is a natural leader in situations. However, I am outgoing, enjoy the independent lifestyle, and love to travel and explore different opportunities. I wonder if this is because I feel less responsibility not being the oldest sibling. Not having to necessarily pave the way. My personality is wired for change, whereas he prefers structure and consistency. In addition, I am the only girl hence my brother is extremely protective. Although this can be aggravating at times it is how he has been conditioned to behave. I feel that I have also adopted the same behavior over my younger brother as well because in a way I feel responsible for preparing him to handle situations in life that I have already experienced to ensure that he does not make any detrimental mistakes. It is with good intentions and motives and sometimes you need to remind yourself if you get frustrated with your older sibling or parents that they are just looking out for your best interest based on what they have learned from past experiences.
On the other hand when I consider how my little brother fits into the birth order hierarchy we often say he broke the mold. He is a firecracker, outgoing, determined, observant, and wise. Having viewed both my older brother and I live our lives he has had an immense amount of exposure to the world. He is equipped with multiple tools in regards to how to handle difficult situations and move through life. Yet his path is different then ours due to growing up in a different generation with social norms and expectations neither of us faced. I often find myself entertained by his lifestyle and friends because it differs vastly from when I was in middle and high school. People sometimes think that the youngest can be pushed aside or have it easy because they have so much exposure. In my opinion I think the youngest should be given more credit because they usually develop a high level of maturity very quickly. I have observed that from my brother and although he is somewhat of an only child now without my brother and I living at home he has to figure out things for himself without us being present and faces an aspect of pressure to follow in our footsteps.
Overall, I feel that growing up with brothers has altered how I act in social settings and my values as an individual. The concept of brotherly love and being constantly around sports and boys growing up has caused me to adopt a tom boy mentality you could say. I rarely feel awkward if I am the only girl in social settings. Don’t get me wrong I love to shop and do girly activities, but since it was such a rare occasion as I was growing up I tend to gravitate towards having more guy friends. This has caused me to have a nonchalant demeanor but also be the mom/organizer of the group because I felt I had the responsibility of helping manage my brothers as I grew up and still do to this day.
I wanted to share my perspective and thoughts about how I believe birth order has affected me personally. To allow you to delve into and question if it has impacted your mannerism and how you experience life. If you are an only child do you see the world in a different manner or interact with friends and family a certain way? How do you approach a new environment or task? The questions are endless…I think this concept is important to consider as we evolve to be aware of our mannerisms and comprehend why people behave the way they do. To help with aspects of judgement and become a better society overall.
