Cargo Pants, Crop Tops, and Shaky Confidence

By Sophia Robertson

Photo by Kate McNeil

As I step into Caldwell Hall on my first day of class, I’m faced with a swarm of girls, clad in lululemon leggings and oversized sweatshirts. It’s no different than high school. A few people dress like me, styled in cargo pants, a crop top, and maybe a pair of Reeboks. Other girls are a bit more done up, with full faces of makeup and cute skirts. My outfit isn’t anything unique, but it makes me feel comfortable. It’s a bit of effort but not overdone. What’s most important, it makes me feel like myself.

I’ve come to understand that confidence takes time. It’s like a roller coaster, going up and down. Sometimes it’s a little shaky, but doesn’t everyone feel that way at times?

I remember the days when I’d walk into my sophomore class in high school wearing a hand-me-down t-shirt from my brother and jean shorts that went down to my knees. I was sick at the time. More than that, I was lonely too. It was a deadly combination.

I listened to my professor ramble about Shakespeare and Ray Bradbury and Ayn Rand. We’d be assigned into groups and I hid further into my shell, not talking to anyone. On my worst days, I’d go into the bathroom during my five minute break between English and history. Tears would stream down my face. I hated the person I was, too shy to talk to anyone. I didn’t like the way I looked either, and that was one of the worst parts of it. How could I accomplish anything, how could I be happy, if I didn’t like myself?

When the pandemic hit I was stuck at home for days on end. As bad as it was, I ultimately realized I can’t live in isolation and discontent. I decided I needed change, and it was finding my style that transformed me. I got bangs. Eventually, I got a job at a clothing thrift store, finding the best prize I could imagine: black cargo pants in the perfect size. When I put them on, I felt good about the way I looked, the way they hugged my waist but gave me room to move my legs. I was never a fan of the baggy on baggy look so I’d always pair my cargo pants with a small crop top.

I soon discovered Reeboks. I had always been a Nike girl, but when I found a pair of black and white high top Reeboks I knew I coudn’t go back. I got them in other colors — yellow, blue, and pink. It was this, finding my style, that gave me the power to become content with the person I am. I began walking around with a new sense of confidence that I hadn’t known before.

Shortly after I completed my wardrobe, it hit me. I’ve always been the same person; it was simply my change in style that gave me the boost I needed to see the good qualities in myself.

I’m no model or fashion expert, but being comfortable with my clothes brought me a sense of unparalleled satisfaction. I started talking to people, making friends. The first step to success in all aspects of my life was liking what I see when I look in the mirror. It really isn’t about the way the clothes I wear compliment my body, but it’s about the comfort they bring me.

They’re a form of self-expression, a form of art. They’re mine.